For me creating art is an attempt to make the invisible visible, to express the formless in form. I sometimes see or feel images, that belong to no-thing. Despite my efforts, I never seem to get close to what I try to convey, but it continuously pours out.
But even without the conscious attempt to do so, art in itself is alréady the formless expressing as form, the invisible projecting itself into a visible, objective experience.
What a joy to express! What a grace to see Myself in all of it’s creation!
Garden of Eden (2020)
I am creating art in a new way. I used to work from an idea, concept or theme. This often resulted in a series of paintings, all referring to that very same theme. It started to feel limiting, and all of a sudden I let go of the old appraoch.
Now I just wait,'listen', observe what wants to come to life, what wants to be expressed. I see my hand reach for certain colours or materials, I follow the movements it wants to make, I pick the size of the canvas that calls me. I have no idea what will arise, but the floodgates are open...
Sometimes the image shocks me, like the flower paintings. I never liked to paint them, and here they are. Whatever appears asks for acceptance. No matter how messy, how 'ugly'..all the sizes, all the forms it takes. Just like the layout of the page below. The spontaneity of the process dictates the display.
This is it. I love it, for it is so wild and free.
Unlimited Body (2019)
Contemplating ‘the body’ I find only being. Seemless, open, and unlimited. No inside, no outside, no body. No ‘where’ for a me to reside in.
When creating these paintings, I hád to start with black. Every time I walked up the stairs and looked into my studio I saw these pitch black canvasses and felt goose bumps. A combination of fear and excitement, like a scary movie you just have to go and see. They were so dark, seemingly empty, with nothing to refer to. No image, no light, no color.
I would sit in front of them, just feeling into the dark. That took quite a while, I just couldn’t paint any thing yet. And when it started to come out, it had to be an attémpt to picture the ultimate…until it became objective again.
When abiding as ‘I am’ I find a darkness too. There is nothing, meaning that no thing has come into existence yet. Therefore it is pure peace.
This darkness is so intimate. I am here. The ‘I am’ that we are, is here. A presence that is neither dark nor light, yet if feels like a dark-light. The light of knowing. The light of being. The potential to become all ‘things’.
A quiet day (2015)
Inner landscapes, portraits of silence.
The Face of Grace (2012)
After a few years of not being able to create, of 'having lost my dearest love’, new work arose. Small ink faces on paper, eyes looking at me, looking within. Every color chosen, every bottle opened, picking up the brush, dipping it in ink, every image coming into existence, felt like the Face of Grace.
After my beloved died, I wondered: “Is there something with me? What is this presence that I feel? Do angels exist? And if so, what are ‘they’? Or, is it just an idea?" I started to explore by painting 'it'....and saw it could be any 'thing', if anything at all. And I wrote:
An angel is a mountain, a bird, a star, a tree. Maybe it’s a cathedral or a transparency.
An angel is a lost one, a sound, identity. Or could it be a longing and what I wish to be?
Maybe it is a person, not in eternity, but an earthly, human being, just like you and me......